A Letter to my baby

To my baby: It's strange being back at work without you. For 19 months, we spent almost every moment together. I remember sitting at my desk and feeling you move in my belly. I had no idea what a special, silly and amazing little person you would become. I still sometimes reach down to my belly but you aren't there anymore.

My heart breaks when I leave you in the morning, I hate seeing you cry and I hate thinking of you crying when I'm not there to console you. Sometimes I wish you were still small enough to carry you around inside of me at work, but I know you need to grow and I need to let you. This is hard on both of us, but I hope it's harder on me and I hope you aren't feeling the pain that I'm feeling. People told me that going back to work would be hard but it would get better, and I hope that's true. I like working most of the time, and I hope you like school.  I wish I could ask you how you're doing and you could tell me that you're happy there and that you have fun.

Sometimes when we were together all the time, I felt like we needed a break. But even after five minutes away from you I felt the break was long enough. I hope I'm doing the right thing and working towards our future, a bright future, for our whole family. We want you to grow up in a nice house, in a great neighborhood, go to wonderful schools, and enroll in the college of your dreams. Me going to work now will help all of that happen.

I promise to cherish the moments we have together instead of wishing for more. I promise you that I'm thinking of you all the time and I promise that if you ever need me I'll be there in a moments notice, since you are right down the street from me, the only place I could fathom having you stay all day- within a 5 minute walk away.

Sometimes I come by and nurse you, and sometimes I stay and play for 30 minutes, letting you show me all of your favorite toys. You smile at your teachers but always crawl back into my arms. 
I know this will get easier, less painful and more fun. And know that no matter what happens, that I love you more than you can imagine, my sweet baby.

I was so happy to find that when I picked her up that afternoon she was happy and playing with her classmates, but it's still hard on me. Thanks for letting me be totally honest.


  1. This is heartbreaking and so sweet at the same time. I hope things have gotten better since you wrote this, and continue to.

  2. <3 Hugs, Kristi. I haven't been through this particular transition, but for what it's worth, all the transitions with the kids have been hard on me - and I think probably harder on me than on them. Take good care of yourself! I'm glad she's close by and you can stop by and see her smiling and having fun whenever you want!



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